Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
soo... how was my night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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