remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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