I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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