Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
