Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
