I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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