Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
