Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
