Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
