FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
