just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
