I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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