i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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