i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
