Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
50% drunk capacity currently
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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