Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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