He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
