Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
