no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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