ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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