Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
