Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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