Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize