I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
