I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
