After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
