talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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