he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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