On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im six kinds of drunk right now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
