I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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