im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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