Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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