I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will pee on everything he values.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
