Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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