I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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