If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
