oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
