he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
