she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
