I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This baby is an asshole
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
