Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
