Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
