she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
