I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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