Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize