im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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