so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
