rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
