to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
