I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
