I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
