can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
