That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
