I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize