Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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