"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
