i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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