i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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