Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
