By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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