So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
