Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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