if only i could text you this smell
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
