She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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