Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
