i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
