I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
