So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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