i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
