I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
