Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
